Friday, September 30, 2011

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Cookie #3044

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control have issued a warning about your sense of humor.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Cookie #3043

Today is your day!  You will also be sharing the day with billions of others, so play nice.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Monday, September 26, 2011

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Cookie #3040

You are an insignificant speck in the grand scheme of things.  Why not knock over a liquor store?

Friday, September 23, 2011

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Cookie #3038

Failure is not an option; it's a foregone conclusion.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Cookie #3037

When you hit rock bottom you will break your tailbone and a finger.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Cookie #3036

You have been designated as a 'person of interest' in an ongoing investigation by the fashion police.

Monday, September 19, 2011

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Cookie #3032

Imaginary friends cannot be listed as emergency contacts.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Cookie #3031

Making new friends is easy.  Just be yourself and give people money each time you see them.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Cookie #3029

You are NOT a failure.  Well, it's really your parents that feel you are not a failure, but that counts for something.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Cookie #3028

A stitch in time causes puckering in the space-time continuum.  Use Velcro instead.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Cookie #3026

If Yoda and Harry Potter fought each other, who would win?

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Cookie #3025

You are in need of a total makeover at the inner beauty salon.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Cookie #3023

You haven't saved the world, but you haven't destroyed it either.  Stop stalling and pick a side.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Cookie #3033

Sometimes if you listen closely, you can hear people say, 'Okay, places everyone!' just before you enter the room.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Cookie #3022

Confucius say:  'Stop writing down all the shit I say.'

Monday, September 5, 2011

Cookie #222

It takes one to masturbate and two to tango.  Do the math, Einstein.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Cookie #3021

You are known as someone who emits a foul odor of indeterminate cause.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

Friday, September 2, 2011

Cookie #3019

Don't try to defend yourself - it just makes you seem more guilty.

Thursday, September 1, 2011