Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Cookie #3017

Relax.  Bad things will happen whether or not you worry about them.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Monday, August 29, 2011

Sunday, August 28, 2011

Cookie #3014

You will meet the woman you admire most, and then watch in horror as you spray food-laden spittle into her face the moment you speak.

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Cookie #3013

Treat today like an adventure! Run to your car like you're being chased, throw yourself inside, and peel out of the parking lot.

Friday, August 26, 2011

Cookie #3012

You will be called into a meeting with HR and your boss; deny everything.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Cookie #3011

Anxiety is just nature's way of imprisoning your intellect.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Cookie #3010

You must learn to control your road rage before it kills an old guy named Larry.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Cookie #3009

Next time you rent a car, remember that the driver's seat has almost certainly been soaked with the butt sweat of a total stranger.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Cookie #3008

If God had intended for you to be happy, he wouldn't have riddled you with insecurities.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Cookie #3007

Your talents are without measure, and your value is incalculable.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Cookie #3006

Do unto others before they do unto you, so that you can just fall asleep afterwards.

Friday, August 19, 2011

Cookie #3005

When you see a shooting star: wish for something you don't want so you won't be sad when nothing happens.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Cookie #3004

A tiny insect crawled into your ear last night while you slept.  If you hold very still, you will feel it moving around.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Cookie #3003

People who smile at you are really just laughing to themselves about how stupid you are.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Monday, August 15, 2011

Cookie #3001

You are not alone. Stop dressing as though the rest of us aren't here.

Sunday, August 14, 2011

Cookie #2997

You value easily consumable entertainment over independent thinking.

Saturday, August 13, 2011

Cookie #3000

Positive visualization is the key to success!  Image yourself in another man's shoes, and then steal them.

Friday, August 12, 2011

Cookie #2999

The road less traveled will still take you past a McDonald's.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Cookie #2998

You are courageous in the face of dangerously expired food.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Cookie #2996

Eat not the rotted fruit of self-congratulation. Just have an apple or something instead.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Monday, August 8, 2011

Cookie #2994

If you are not part of the solution then do not stand to the right of the = sign.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Cookie #2993

An acquaintance has been sniffing the seat of your chair after you leave the room.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Friday, August 5, 2011

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Cookie #2986

Your wheedling and pretension are an annoyance to those around you.

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Cookie #2984

You will bring joy to all those who delight in the misfortunes of others.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Cookie #2987

Just so you know, that little camera on your phone is always on.