Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Cookie #3088

Stop pouting; you look like an episode of When Plastic Surgery Goes Wrong.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Cookie #3087

Somewhere between idiocy and lunacy lies your next big idea.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Cookie #3086

You will enjoy old age with the help of discreet yet absorbent adult diapers.

Friday, November 25, 2011

Cookie #3085

No one gives a fuck about what you think.  Just shut up and listen for once.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Cookie #3084

You need to have that rash checked by a professional.

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Cookie #3083

‘Common sense’ is less common than its name suggests.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Cookie #3082

Send in the clowns; we need more people to throw to the lions. 

Monday, November 21, 2011

Cookie #3081

Put your relationships on autopilot and spend your excess mental energy fantasizing about relationships with more attractive people.

Friday, November 18, 2011

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Cookie #3078

The romance of a lifetime starts with a single obscene gesture.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Monday, November 14, 2011

Cookie #3076

In the whole of human history, I don’t think anyone has ever promised someone a rose garden.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Cookie #3074

When all the smoke finally clears, you’ll probably want to put on some pants.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Cookie #3073

It’s still stealing no matter how much time and effort you’ve given the company.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Cookie #3072

After you’ve planted your flag and raised your fists in victory, you'll realize the hill you’ve taken is only a trash heap. 

Monday, November 7, 2011

Cookie #3071

Nobody knows you as well as you pretend to know yourself.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Cookie #3070

Every moment that passes is another moment in which you did nothing to change the world.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Cookie #3068

At you read this, two of your associates are laughing about how worthless you are.

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Cookie #3069

You think it's your inner circle. Everyone else in the circle thinks you're the monkey in the middle.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011