Cookie #3088

Stop pouting; you look like an episode of When Plastic Surgery Goes Wrong.

Cookie #3087

Somewhere between idiocy and lunacy lies your next big idea.

Cookie #3086

You will enjoy old age with the help of discreet yet absorbent adult diapers.

Cookie #3085

No one gives a fuck about what you think.  Just shut up and listen for once.

Cookie #3084

You need to have that rash checked by a professional.

Cookie #3083

‘Common sense’ is less common than its name suggests.

Cookie #3082

Send in the clowns; we need more people to throw to the lions. 

Cookie #3081

Put your relationships on autopilot and spend your excess mental energy fantasizing about relationships with more attractive people.

Cookie #3080

You are no better than those you mock.

Cookie #3079

You will lose the battle but dodge the war.

Cookie #3078

The romance of a lifetime starts with a single obscene gesture.

Cookie #3077

Your ego is going to need an ice pack.

Cookie #3076

In the whole of human history, I don’t think anyone has ever promised someone a rose garden.

Cookie #3075

Set the bar at ground level.

Cookie #3074

When all the smoke finally clears, you’ll probably want to put on some pants.

Cookie #3073

It’s still stealing no matter how much time and effort you’ve given the company.

Cookie #3072

After you’ve planted your flag and raised your fists in victory, you'll realize the hill you’ve taken is only a trash heap. 

Cookie #3071

Nobody knows you as well as you pretend to know yourself.

Cookie #3070

Every moment that passes is another moment in which you did nothing to change the world.

Cookie #3068

At you read this, two of your associates are laughing about how worthless you are.

Cookie #3069

You think it's your inner circle. Everyone else in the circle thinks you're the monkey in the middle.

Cookie #3067

It sure doesn’t take a genius to do your job!