Cookie #3066

Public humiliation is imminent.

Cookie #3062

Don't eat the salmon.

Cookie #3065

Nobody ever said life would be easy. Suck it up.

Cookie #3064

The story of your life would make an excellent sleep aid.

Cookie #3063

Your future is as bright as the lights shining on a dying man in surgery.

Cookie #3061

Being poor sucks; attain more wealth.

Cookie #3060

How could you have let this happen?

Cookie #3059

Sudden traumatic injury is just around the corner.

Cookie #3058

One of your closest friends secretly hates you.

Cookie #3057

Don’t let the light at the end of the tunnel prevent you from appreciating the tunnel that is taking you there.

Cookie #3056

A diamond in the rough must have every millimeter of its surface cut, ground and polished before achieving its potential. 

Cookie #3055

The desperate, gamy quality of your unique odor would make a fine lure for vultures.

Cookie #3054

The good intentions of others are plentiful yet worthless. 

Cookie #3053

You never fail!  You simply redefine success to be whatever you did.

Cookie #3052

Don't eat random mushrooms you see on the ground.

Cookie #3051

You are narcissistic and delusional.  It's a good thing most people avoid you.

Cookie #3050

You have a yellow streak longer than the brown streak in your underwear.

Cookie #3049

Conspiracies are everywhere.  Step lightly.

Cookie #3048

Any friend of yours has very low standards.

Cookie #3047

A coworker is peeking through the cracks of your bathroom stall at every opportunity.

Cookie #3046

Today's Zombie attack has been postponed.