Sunday, July 31, 2011

Cookie #2988

In the play called 'Life', you will play the role of 'Stooge'.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Cookie #7

You know how that guy waved at you, and you waved back, but he was really waving at someone else?  We did that to make you look stupid.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Cookie #2983

Your scheme for world domination is unlikely to succeed.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Cookie #2982

You'll never know what you can't do until you fail miserably.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Monday, July 25, 2011

Cookie #2980

An encounter with flesh eating bacteria is just around the corner.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Cookie #2378

Don't worry - your adolescent homosexual experimentation was totally normal.  That stuff with the puppets was pretty messed up, though.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Cookie #2377

Be persistent and thorough! The toilet must sometimes be flushed twice to clear the bowl.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Cookie #2376

Your delicate hands will soon know the sting of hard labor.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Cookie #2375

The bizarre and humiliating circumstances surrounding your death will make your name a household word.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Cookie #2374

I think we're both old enough to admit to ourselves that you will never be great or famous.

Monday, July 18, 2011

Cookie #2373

Hairy grow the palms of one who pats himself on the back incessantly.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Saturday, July 16, 2011

Cookie #6512

As you read this, your spouse  is having an adulterous thought.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Cookie #2364

In the war against poverty, tax fraud is your greatest weapon.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Cookie #2372

Live today to its fullest, because from here on out it all turns to shit.

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Cookie #2371

Live every day to its fullest: eat until you're on the verge of vomiting.

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Cookie #2362

If you live to see tomorrow, buy yourself something nice.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Cookie #2370

With each new day, new miseries await you.  Or was it miniseries? Hmmm.... Your future is clouded.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Cookie #2369

The fool chases his wind-blown hat into the dung heap; the wise man steals a new hat from the wimpy bystander.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Friday, July 8, 2011

Cookie #2365

Isolate yourself from all human contact. It's the only way.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Cookie #2360

The mate who loves you just the way you are is feeble-minded.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Cookie #2363

Take a genuine interest in others; stalk the next person you meet.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Cookie #2358

Extensive plastic surgery at frequent intervals is a sure sign of high self-esteem.

Monday, July 4, 2011

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Cookie #2367

You know the last time you thought people were staring at you?  They were.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

Cookie #2366

Your insecurities about your attractiveness to others are well-founded.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Cookie #2345

Improve your relations at work! Coworkers mock you every moment that your head is turned.