Cookie #2988

In the play called 'Life', you will play the role of 'Stooge'.

Cookie #7

You know how that guy waved at you, and you waved back, but he was really waving at someone else?  We did that to make you look stupid.

Cookie #2983

Your scheme for world domination is unlikely to succeed.

Cookie #2985

The wise man uses public office for private gain.

Cookie #2982

You'll never know what you can't do until you fail miserably.

Cookie #2981

The key to happiness is greed.

Cookie #2980

An encounter with flesh eating bacteria is just around the corner.

Cookie #2379

A bird in the hand makes a nice hors-d'oeuvre.

Cookie #2378

Don't worry - your adolescent homosexual experimentation was totally normal.  That stuff with the puppets was pretty messed up, though.

Cookie #2377

Be persistent and thorough! The toilet must sometimes be flushed twice to clear the bowl.

Cookie #2376

Your delicate hands will soon know the sting of hard labor.

Cookie #2375

The bizarre and humiliating circumstances surrounding your death will make your name a household word.

Cookie #2374

I think we're both old enough to admit to ourselves that you will never be great or famous.

Cookie #2373

Hairy grow the palms of one who pats himself on the back incessantly.

Cookie #3331

Your health will decline slowly until death.

Cookie #6512

As you read this, your spouse  is having an adulterous thought.

Cookie #2364

In the war against poverty, tax fraud is your greatest weapon.

Cookie #2372

Live today to its fullest, because from here on out it all turns to shit.

Cookie #2371

Live every day to its fullest: eat until you're on the verge of vomiting.

Cookie #2362

If you live to see tomorrow, buy yourself something nice.

Cookie #2370

With each new day, new miseries await you.  Or was it miniseries? Hmmm.... Your future is clouded.

Cookie #2369

The fool chases his wind-blown hat into the dung heap; the wise man steals a new hat from the wimpy bystander.

Cookie #2361

Assault charges have been filed.

Cookie #2365

Isolate yourself from all human contact. It's the only way.

Cookie #2360

The mate who loves you just the way you are is feeble-minded.

Cookie #2363

Take a genuine interest in others; stalk the next person you meet.

Cookie #2358

Extensive plastic surgery at frequent intervals is a sure sign of high self-esteem.

Cookie #2359

A friend in need is a person to be avoided.

Cookie #2367

You know the last time you thought people were staring at you?  They were.

Cookie #2366

Your insecurities about your attractiveness to others are well-founded.

Cookie #2345

Improve your relations at work! Coworkers mock you every moment that your head is turned.